P.S. Extensity is my word. Don't steal it; I like it. Mine, Mine, Mine!
So, today started at 6:30am.Destination: Buddhist Temple in Augusta, MO.A good... oh, 1 hour and 30 minute drive.Now, even though I've held a strong interest in this personal, shall we say, lifestyle, I've never formally been introduced to the practice.
But, last night at around 11:30pm I said "FUCK IT, I'M GOING."
And then felt stupid because I just shouted into an empty house for no reason.
Anyway.Any of you who know me well know I shouldn't be driving for any long period of time.
And, for serious, this drive was the furthest I've ever traveled on my own....furthermore, I hate Missouri drivers.
Once I got off the highway and into the country area (BARELY ALIVE!), I had to make a few detours...
Now tell me this isn't the most beautiful representation of nature in the Fall you've ever seen?
I was literally speechless at the splendorous scene I happened to stumble upon; it was lovely.
But the restrooms I could do without...
Once I got about an hour into my drive, the roads started getting, uh, let's say "challenging".
Yeah, challenging is a good word to use.
There was literally a 50+ foot fall at either side of me, and the road was only wide enough for ONE car.Furthermore, it was a very curved, grave road. I have a truck with rear-wheel drive.
FUCKING SHOOT ME NOW.
SEE? This is like, an inch from the side of the road. I wanted to pee.
Then of course, try being terrified, in the middle of nowhere, then finding out YOU HAVE NO SIGNAL.Meaning, yup, no GPS either.I ended up in a town called DEFIANCE, which was literally 5 miles long, and it smelled like cow poop and grapes (wineries, specifically).
Yeah, I bet that town just LOVES us black folk...
My Grandma asked me later "Why didn't you ask for directions?"
I replied with the fact that being lynched is not on my "To-Do List" for the day.
But, after braving the scary hick-country towns, the horrible roads, the 50 foot drops, and Missouri Drivers without a GPS or working cellular device on maybe 5 hours of sleep, I finally reached my destination and witnessed how incredibly worthwhile my trip was.
It was spell-bounding.
Beautiful, serene, relaxing, marvelous, etc.
I met with one of the nuns/teachers for the monastery/temple and she gave me a brief history and tour of the place.
After a few others spilled in, we began service.
30 minutes of sitting meditation.
30 minutes of walking meditation (my personal preference).
30 minutes of Dharma discussion.
Then a BEAUTIFUL 30 minutes of chanting.
It has never been so easy to let go of yourself.
Now, I want to say I felt at peace with myself, you know, centered, or reawakened.
But that would be lie.
I felt the exact opposite. Which, after asking my teachers about this, said it's a good thing.
I felt disconnected. Let go. Separate from everything around me, including myself.
They said my brain is letting go of the concept of a "self" and that I shouldn't let this frighten me.
It was a very unusual feeling.
Not a negative feeling, just... unusual.
After, me and everyone from the services gathered downstairs for a quick meal chant and a delicious vegetarian feast.
I really have no idea any of the foods I ate; in fact, it may not have even been food for all I know.
I certainly didn't recognize any of it, except for the apples. I KNOW THAT FOOD!
But, it was kind of amazingly delicious.
And we all sat in the dinning hall, eating, talking about where we were all from and how we found this place.
We had a guy from India who was a World Traveler.
We had a guy from Portugal who was escaping the economic problems.
We had a medical student from Wash U.
And had a twice divorced mother of 6.
There were about 20 other people, but they were too far down the table for me to really talk to them.
But everyone I met was so incredibly diverse that the very idea of sitting and sharing a meal together seemed near to impossible. I mean, literally, the only thing any of us had in common was that we were breathing and interested in the teachings of Buddha. But it was such a relaxed environment. At no point did I ever felt judged, we didn't talk about anything pressing or saddening, we just ate and enjoyed each others company for the short amount of time we had.
Later I was invited by my teacher to stay at the monastery sometime soon for an all day study and meditation session. I was amazed at her trust in me. It was so... refreshing.
I will be back again; I feel my decision to follow the teachings of Buddha have finally been supported.
It was easily one of the most spiritual adventures I have ever had the privilege to be apart of.
